Leading with the Heart: How did we get here?

Yesterday, I celebrated another year of life. Birthdays are always a time for me to pause for deep reflection. This year I found myself pondering the state of the world and reflecting on what events led us to so much discord and disconnection.

While the human race expands and people begin to occupy more space on this planet we are moving away from one another even when we are in closer proximity than ever. The pandemic didn’t start this disconnect but it clearly added to our capacity to rationalize pulling away from friends and family who we only tolerated pre-pandemic.

Our communities began to branch off into silos of similarities, our families became divided by politics and beliefs, and our own lives compartmentalized into acceptable paradigms.

Where is the connection? Where is the unity? What happened to our sense of community and relationship?

I believe we are faced with so many divides because we have forgotten how to maintain our connection to our hearts. We have left behind the messages of love and kindness taught to us by our ancestors, parents, teachers, pastors, rabbis, spiritual leaders, and counselors. These messages of love and kindness have been replaced with self-preservation and isolation.

Our bodies navigate through the world as we move past each other like sleepwalking zombies. Our minds are consumed with thoughts that range from past to future, skipping over and missing what lies before us: the present. One of my silent prayers that sustains me as I go through the day is May my mind reside where my body abides. May my heart be aware, and willing to care.

The bypass of the heart allows us to remain in this state of numbness, detached and apathetic. Only when we wake up and allow ourselves a moment of presence are we able to realize how much we are missing and how much damage we are causing to ourselves and others.

When we act or react during moments of conflict or disconnection our brain selects what data to process, and then our body has a corresponding fight-flight-freeze-fawn response. This cycle reinforces how we behave during future interactions and can lead us down a dark path of biased and bigoted actions. We must be willing to pause and access our hearts during these moments. Only when we have dropped into the heart space are we able to see people as people and not as objects. Our connection to one another becomes clearer and we can choose to release ourselves from the ensnarement of our biases and move forward with compassion and understanding.

Being able to see another human as you see yourself can bring on a wave of gratitude, generosity, and access to grace.

Our society is relying on all of us to recognize, honor, and respect the humanity in each other if we expect to cohabitate and evolve as a human species. This begins with opening our hearts.

Begin by asking yourself: Where am I judgemental? How am I kind or unkind? What can I do to be more compassionate during challenging situations? Finding the answers to these questions may allow you to gain access to restoring the connection to your heart. It takes time and presence to find out how you may have forgotten your own heart. Perhaps you've experienced something deeply painful and it felt easier to allow yourself to shelter your heart from any more pain. It will take persistent presence and intentional action to come back home to our own hearts. We are all capable of a truly transformational shift from apathy into engagement. There truly is no place like the home that waits for you in your own heart.

If you would like to learn more about how to lead with your heart and explore the intricacies of how the Enneagram and IDEA work are connected I have great news for you. My book Know Justice Know Peace: A Transformative Journey of Social Justice, Anti-Racism, and Healing through the Power of the Enneagram is available for pre-order. Learn more here.

Open Your Heart - International Women’s Day 2022

As we came closer to this day I began to explore some of the teachings from women past and present from all parts of the world. I have been a lifelong lover of the poetry of Rumi, however—though rarely mentioned—Rabia of Basra born nearly 500 years before Rumi is said to have had the greatest influence on his writings.

Rabia wrote:

When God said “My hands are yours,”

I saw that I could heal any creature in this world;

I saw that the divine beauty in each heart

Is the root of all time

And space.

My thoughts immediately turned to a dear friend in Latvia. I reached out recognizing the proximity of her country to Ukraine and the effect that this could have on her life, her family, and friends. I thought of a precious couple who were in one of my recent seminars who have family and friends in Ukraine as well. I thought to myself: What should I do? What can I do?

Far too often we choose to do nothing and move toward isolation. We are afraid of our connection as it creates the possibility of having to bear the pain of someone else's suffering or misfortune.

I think about this as we step into International Women's Day this year. The war rages in Ukraine where men, women, and children are dying. It is very difficult to hold the polarity of loving kindness and painful despair in your heart. I feel for the Ukrainian people. War is not a casual discomfort. It is a life-ending travesty and we can send our love, prayers, and healing energy in the direction of Ukraine.

I think often about my friend in Latvia and the concern that I have for her and all of the people that I know and love in that part of the world. I also hold the pain of the disparity of treatment of people of color even during this war. I have watched the footage and read the articles. One woman reached out to me directly expressing her fear and pain as bias, bigotry, and hatred presented an unavoidable obstacle as people of color attempted to flee for their lives. People of color have been relegated to the back of the line.

As women, we have tremendous power and if we choose to use this power for good we can change the world. Racism, bias, and bigotry are not isolated to the United States. These are not problems only here in America, they are a global scourge.

On this day I ask women around the world to rise up and begin to address the bias and bigotry that divides and separates us. This is a time for a celebration of our universal connection. A day when we honor women all around the world for their achievements. Let’s honor ourselves by achieving the seemingly impossible. Let’s choose love. Let’s begin with acts of courage as we stand as allies for one another, here at home and all around the world. As we pray for Ukraine let us also pray for the courage and strength of all women to unite and align with one another with a spirit of empathy, compassion, and love. When one of us hurts, we all hurt; even when that pain is not visible.

International Women's Day 2022 is all about healing and hope. Humanity needs our love, our nurturing strength, and our willingness to show up for one another. To all women, I say: Rise up and remember one another today wherever you may be in the world. May we grow in numbers and in our strength to be the vessels that we were created to be. As we honor our own being and acknowledge the beauty, light, and power of one another, remember to extend your hand to anyone in need. Choose love and choose to lead with the power of love. It is an invincible weapon that counteracts the pain of unnecessary suffering imposed on others.

Our Divine feminine energy holds the key to an open heart. And we all have a key. Unlock your heart and allow your love to bring light, hope, and connection to every member of our human family.

Black History Month comes to an end. What now?

This week's newsletter is coming to you on the last day of February, the month dedicated to Black history.

While BHM may have come to an end, our journey has not. We continue to have a very long journey ahead and we need everyone present, alert, and engaged.

This past week has been an emotional roller coaster for me.

Ahmaud Arbery killers were convicted of hate crimes.

Ketanji Brown Jackson is the first African American woman to be nominated to the U.S. Supreme Court.

The 3 police officers who stood by and watched George Floyd’s murder were found guilty of federal charges and still face criminal state charges.

And just, as I was trying to get my equilibrium under control Russia, invaded Ukraine. Keep the people of Ukraine lifted in your hearts as anyone under attack anywhere can be felt everywhere.

These are rapidly changing times and for those of us who desire to live in a fair, equitable, and peaceful world we must recognize that we cannot be passive and unengaged in healing humanity.

Challenge yourself to remain present and engaged. Get Connected. Continue to educate yourself about Black history not just in February. Let the thirst for knowledge and truth become a part of who you are and how you show up in the world.

There is so much work to be done and we must do it together.