I am exhausted. I know I’m far from alone - it’s a recurring theme in a world of endlessly exhausting issues.
But this morning I noticed a specific point of exhaustion. A specific point of riding these emotional waves that brought into focus the recognition of how desperately I need this emotional turmoil to end.
In April, the officer who killed Derek Chauvin was found guilty. I felt a momentary turning of the tide.
In November, I got caught in the undertow as the verdict in the Kyle Rittenhouse trial pulled me under.
Five days later, I was able to ride the wave of hope again as I felt another flicker of peace in the verdict of the trial of the men who killed Ahmaud Arbery.
Stress is stress. Positive or negative it takes a toll on your nervous system.
And now, another trial is on TV.
If you don’t like the verdict of a trial, just wait a bit. There will be another.
The number of deaths is overwhelming. The mourning, the rage, the fear, the hope, the disappointment - the helplessness. It can seem to be overwhelming. Finding my way through the overwhelm has been my saving Grace, and it can be yours as well.
I choose to care for each trial, verdict, victim, and injustice, no matter the toll. I will continue to ride these emotional waves because I made the choice to care. Every tragedy born from the seed of bias and bigotry in this love war deserves my emotional recognition, they deserve my heart. The journey to the actualization of justice and peace needs every heart invested in positive authentic change. My heart is invested.
This does not mean I am not exhausted.
This Christmas, I am giving myself permission to rest.
To rest with my loved ones, and reflect on the joys in the world.
To look into my grandchildren’s eyes and know all of the fighting, all of the exhaustion, is for them and the generations that will come after them.
To remember how far we have come.
And to renew my faith and hope secure in the knowing that I will never give up - because one day we will truly know Justice and Peace on Earth.
Merry Christmas, and in this holiday season, may we all find some rest.
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